Ugh, My Brain Has Opinions Again

I really try so hard to be a good, kind, nonjudgmental person... and then I leave my house. Suddenly my brain has opinions about everything. Can you believe what he’s wearing? OMG, that voice. Why are they standing THERE? Who taught this person how to drive? Does she seriously not know you’re supposed to put your cart back?

Apparently, somewhere along the way I appointed myself Director of How Everyone Else Should Behave, and honestly, the position is exhausting and kind of annoying.

Lately, I’ve been paying more attention to this because I don’t actually want to be this way. I want to be kind, patient, and understanding. I want to be the kind of person who gives everyone grace. Apparently, I just want them to behave correctly first. By "correctly," I mean according to the completely imaginary rulebook in my head that nobody else has received a copy of.

So I’ve started wondering why judgment is always my brain’s first stop. Why can’t I see someone doing something differently and simply think, Huh, that’s interesting, and move on with my life? Why do I feel the need to have an opinion about things that have absolutely nothing to do with me? Especially when nobody asked for it in the first place.

Maybe there’s something oddly comforting about deciding someone else is the problem. Because if I’m busy wondering why she’s wearing that, why he talks like that, why they parked like THAT, I don’t have to look too closely at myself. Maybe that's the part that's hardest to admit. Sometimes the things that bother me most about other people have more to do with me than with them.

So now I’m trying something different. I’m not expecting that first judgmental thought to magically disappear. I’ve had decades of practice, and frankly, I’m really good at it. Instead, I’m trying to catch what happens next and remind myself that not every situation requires a verdict. Okay, Judge Judy. Settle down.

Maybe he loves that shirt. Maybe she can’t help her voice. Maybe that person who just cut me off is distracted because something terrible happened this morning. Maybe, and this is the big one, maybe none of it is actually any of my business. Ugh. That one hurts.

This whole “none of my business” thing seems to be a recurring theme in my life. I have spent a lot of years making things my business that, in fact, were never accepting applications for my involvement.

So, I’m a work in progress. As a good, good friend reminds me all the time, “Be gentle with yourself.” I’m trying, I really am. Because it would be pretty ironic to recognize how judgmental I can be and then immediately start judging myself for being judgmental. That feels like getting on the judgment bandwagon, realizing I shouldn’t be on it, and then criticizing myself for buying a ticket.

So today, I’m not doing that. I’m just going to look a little deeper. Where does it come from? Why does my brain go there first? And what can I do with that thought once it shows up?

I’m beginning to think being a kind person doesn’t mean never having a judgmental thought. Maybe it means noticing it, getting curious about it, laughing at yourself a little, and choosing not to turn it into a full-length documentary narrated entirely inside your own head.

I’m working on it. Maybe if the planets align, I’ll get this figured out sometime in this lifetime. If not, I guess I’ll have something to work on in the next one.

But if you leave your shopping cart sideways in the middle of the Costco aisle while you study the ingredients on a jar of mayonnaise, I cannot be held responsible for my first thought. Baby steps lol

Plot twist: Maybe it's not everyone else who needs to change. Maybe Judge Judy just needs to take a day off.